REAL MOTHERS

VISION GROWTH INTERNATIONALArticle: 05 / 2010 (written by C.G Kanyenze)
REAL MOTHERS
‘Every wise woman buildeth her house but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.’ Proverbs 14v1 (KJV)
As much as men feel called to become powerful God ordained ministers of the Word of God, I feel there is an uncelebrated God ordained ministry which is that of being a mother. Great mothers mentored, taught, prayed and sacrificed for their children who became mighty men of God. Here I have in mind Archbishop Guti, Evangelist John Wesley, Bishop Eddie Long, Prophet TB Joshua to mention just a few. Their mothers contributed immensely in ushering them to Christ. Their mothers never went to the nations or stood before thousands as they do but they were/are behind their success stories. In this article I dared to challenge those called by God to this great ministry of motherhood to contribute even more to the well being of humanity.
Qualities of a virtuous woman which makes her a great mother
One of the greatest scripture which you can come across in the Bible highlighting these qualities is Proverbs 31v 10-31.In summary it points out that:
She is rare to come across (v10).She decides to be unique and its injustice to compare her with any other ordinary woman. . She is trustworthy (v11). She does not unload her husband’s pockets when he is drunk. She means every word she speaks. . She does him (the husband) good, and not harm, all the days of her life (v12). Love charms (mupfuhwira) are not good for your husband. You can’t use the devil’s equipment and remain God’s beloved child. The same faith you put in the juju you can put it in the manufacturer of your husband, God who will change your husband and do a better job than the devil. . She is hardworking (she sleeps less and when awake she is not lazy), business minded and does not eat bread of idleness. (v13-19,27). Being a woman with a profession is no excuse to become lazy. I heard of a lady who asks her maid not only to wash her bras but even her other undergarments. . She is generous (v20). She can easily do this if she earns something using her own hands. It’s not generosity to give away where there is no sweat of yours worse without the consent of the one who sweated for the things. . She makes her husband respectable in society (v23). Such a woman is a testimony of the statement -behind every successful man there is a woman. She is not the type of woman who comes to her husband’s workplace to display that they had a serious misunderstanding the previous night. . Strength and honour are her clothing (v25). She does honourable things and she does not fake sickness to avoid serving in-laws or even creating financial crises to block all avenues her spouse wants to use to help his relatives. . She openeth her mouth with wisdom v26. What a rare virtue to find in a 21st century lady. . She fears the Lord (v30). This is the most important characteristic in a living person. A person who fears God has a very sensitive conscience; to lie is an abomination to such a person. Fearing God and just going to church can be two worlds apart. A God fearer is God conscious in everywhere, every time and in every word spoken. A God fearer is not perfect but is the best person you can ever come across on earth. This lady does not depend on her physical beauty but she depends on God because physical beauty fades and is deceitful. When married beauty won’t count much if character is lagging no wonder why some models are divorced and some out of shape ladies are enjoying their marriages all the way through. Beauty is for boys but men are really after character.’ Issues mothers need to keep in mind in their God –given ministry :
o Is she still different from her sister-in-law to her husband? In 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 the critical issue of conjugal rights is illustrated this way, ‘Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.’ As a married couple, conjugal rights should not be used to reward or punish because this directly invites ‘small houses’. Only prostitutes use their reproductive organs to get something from men; without getting whatever they want there is no bed relationship. Being moody and faking sicknesses amounts to denying your husband conjugal rights. I believe partially why the Bible says, ‘Be angry but do not allow the sun to go down angry,’ it’s because that anger to married people should not interfere with the bedroom relationship. The Bible allows spouses to be angry with each other but by end of day the issues should be resolved and there won’t be infringement of this right. o Did she tell her children their real fathers? Though seeming to be so obvious in everyday life, many situations have resulted in some people not knowing their fathers and some being told the wrong ones. This is wholly the responsibility of mothers. It is a child’s right and privilege to know his/her biological father. For single mothers who were never married remember no reasonable child will ever think you were another Mary, a virgin who had a child. It’s of no use and its evil for you to direct your anger on what your bed mate did to you, on the wrong person who is your child. Please tell him/her his/her surname. A reasonable child will not desert you he/she will appreciate all your sacrifices. If you don’t tell your child someone will guess it for them and all your ex-boyfriends’ names come into play and what a disgrace it is for such a mother. If you love your child tell him/her his/her biological father. Where do you find the boldness to approach God, Almighty, All knowing, when you know that ‘wakatizira’ the wrong man and you spend a lifetime not divulging this to him. You go to church and expect to be in that number when the saints go marching in? Forget! Christianity demands confessing our sins to God and those who we wronged. As difficult as it is sounding it pleases God. If to you it seems to be an impossibility seek counsel from very confidential, mature and wise counsellors on how to open the can of worms. Let’s be responsible for our actions. May all the ladies say, ‘Amen!’
o Whose ideologies is she using in her home? Ladies are by nature opinion seekers so they need to be careful whose opinions they value and implement. Mind your friends can destroy your family. Bad company corrupts good morals. You can become moody and nasty not of your own making but by who you associate with. Eve talked to the devil and she became very evil. Not every theory you hear applies to your home. The Bible says, ‘The simple believeth every word, but the prudent looks where he is going.’ Proverbs 14v15.Have your own opinion that’s why God gave you your own brains and you are responsible for your own decisions not your friends. The Shona say, ‘Zano pangwa une rakowo.’ o Is her value addition still unquestionable? What makes a lady worthy in a men’s life is the extent she helps him with his burdens and vice versa. The Bible gets to say, ‘Bear one another’s burdens…’ Galatians 6 v2 But it calls for a balance by going on to say, ‘For each man will have to bear his own load.’ Galatians 6v5. It’s not calling for parasites but each must carry his/her part and to be helped when it’s necessary. o Is she driven by anger or anger is her servant? Anger is a reality of life. Contrary to exalting short temper, the Bible says, ‘He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly.’ (Proverbs 14v17). Remember the first murder recorded in the Bible was done mainly because the culprit did not control his anger (Genesis 4).The Bible is very practical it says, ‘Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. (Ephesians 4 v 26, 27). The Bible says, ‘….be slow to anger for the anger of man does not work the righteousness of God.’ (James 1 v19,20). In anger ladies please ask God not to burst because unfortunately words cannot be withdrawn like the English attempt to assume. The more emotional/reactional you are the less rational you become. Always give yourself time to think, that’s a hallmark of wisdom. o Is she rightfully mentoring her children especially her girls? The mother as the chief operating officer in the family she has a great responsibility of teaching the children good habits like making the bed, eating quietly, and dressing smart for any occasion. She must teach them doing family chores like washing dishes, sweeping bedrooms, brushing teeth etc. Some of the 21st century ladies inadequacies and shortcomings are mentoring-deficiency outcomes. Some girls were never taught the purpose of dressing no wonder they walk around town with bare chests and thighs. The dressing indoctrination was ignored by some mothers. Some ladies get to be married not knowing the basic expectations of husbands no wonder some of their marriages do not last. Some ‘so loving mothers’ mentor their maids better than their girls. For your girl child to have a degree does not mean you can’t tell her some tips on social values. Girls are most of the times lazy to the extent their mothers allowed them to become. o Is she becoming more of a lady or more of a man with time? To be a lady is a virtue but it’s a persistent temptation wanting to act like a man. Ladies are expected to be soft-spoken, gentle, kind-hearted and merciful. When these virtues are lost the lady has lost her feminity. I have nothing against professional women but I have seen most of them making the same submission mistake – husbands are not more concerned about your pay-check than your submission. In you she is not looking for a business partner but a wife no wonder some degreed men go for even the least educated ladies and you wonder what she saw in that lady leaving you (a professional woman).
o Does she choose to forgive her spouse and children? In life mothers will inevitably be offended but they have to choose to forgive or to die with bitterness. One person who was privileged to see a portion of hell was shown a great multitude of women who were burning due to the sin of unforgiveness. May you not be one of them. Talking is not as simplistic as most people think. For communication to be superb great thought needs to be engaged. The source of meaningful wisdom is God of course. ‘… but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.’ (Proverbs 16v1). Ladies your tongue can destroy or build your family. Unwise utterances have ruined some of the greatest marriages. A virtuous woman in wisdom does not call her husband names like chidhakwa (drunkard). A wise mother builds self-confidence in her kids by never calling them stupid, dull and foolish. A bad mouthed lady irks and is very unpleasant to associate with. As uncertain as her mouth is, it’s uncertain if she will remain married. Solomon the wise king who had associated with several women wrote, ‘It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and fretful woman.’ (Proverbs 21v19). He further writes, ‘It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman.’ (Proverbs21v9). This shows certain attitudes and characteristics of a lady can chase away a husband from her life.
Never bad mouth your spouse to your children, since that will only create hatred between your child and his/her father. Some husbands have spent more than a year without hearing something sweet from the lips of their spouses. What an omission. Some are known to talk right only when they are after something from their spouses. A mother’s way of talking has great impact on the children’s way of talking no wonder it’s called your mother tongue (not father’s tongue).
In conclusion I would like to appreciate the contributions mothers have made to the well being of the African societies. Whatever I have written, I am by no means disrespecting, looking down, downgrading, or ignoring the contributions of mothers to society. I am very grateful to God for giving us loving, caring, tenacious and wise mothers. Apart from financial contribution, I believe mothers have contributed more than men in the family institute. For real our African mothers have endured, suffered, struggled, wept, got abused a lot but they have chosen to soldier on. Mothers have forgiven some humanly speaking unpardonable acts. Some irresponsible men deserted their families but the mothers remained committed to look after their children. Some children who were changed nappies grow up to talk junk in the face of their mothers but mothers have remained silent as if they forgot that they sacrificed their peace, finances and time to help their kids. Some of these children were HIV-AIDS infected after spending their energy and funds without helping their mothers in anyway only to come to get the home-based care of their mothers. Mothers I salute you.
My Quotable Quote: No one on earth can show love as much as a mother does.
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