REAL FATHERS

VISION GROWTH INTERNATIONAL
Article: 04 / 2010 (written by C.G Kanyenze)

REAL FATHERS

‘He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind….’ Proverbs 11v29 (KJV)

The most successful and very beloved of God king of Israel David on his death bed told his son Solomon, ‘Be strong, and show yourself a man, and keep the charge of the Lord your God, walking in his ways and keeping his statutes… that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn.’ (1 Kings 2v3).In this article I am highlighting some of the key attributes which makes a man move from merely a male to show himself a man in this life. Remember a person is male by God’s predestination but you become a father by choosing to accept the responsibility which comes with the office. Let’s explore the subject.

Although directed towards bishop 1 Timothy 3 v 2-4 is one of the key scriptures which point out the attributes of successful husbands; it reads, ‘must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, sensible, dignified, hospitable, an apt teacher, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, and no lover of money. He must manage his own household well, keeping his children submissive and respectful in every way.’ From Biblical times it was demonstrated that fathers can prophesy their children’s future. Isaac spoke a blessing in Jacob’s life and his lineage surely became blessed. Jacob blessed his son Judah and through his line Jesus the lion of the tribe of Judah came. Fathers are God ordained priests and prophets of the family that’s why we are urged to respect them no matter how reckless they are. Each father will account to God how he looked after his own family. It’s a serious offence to put the name father into disrepute because God is addressed as, ‘Our Father.’ Ask God to give you grace where you are deficient as a father to change for the better. It’s a process it’s not an event like a wedding, be patient with yourself.

The sweetest thing a father can ever hear on earth is to hear his wife saying, ‘My hub is the greatest person I ever met,’ and your children saying, ‘My dad is the greatest…’ Who else does he ever want to please besides his own family? It’s unfortunate due to natural catastrophes such as death; human catastrophes such as war and divorces a significant size of male population never grows up under the fatherhood of their biological fathers. And to some who lived under their fatherhood did not display attributes of great fathers. I will never forget what my friend once told me, ‘When I grow up I don’t want to be like my father.’ This drove me to write about what fathers are expected to contribute to their families. The roles and duties of a father are:-
1) To provide leadership to the family. The father is the head of the house and he is the chief strategist or CEO of the home. Family guiding principles are the responsibility of the father in consultation with the mother. The father must be a symbol of hope to the family in adversity. The family must be seen to be going somewhere with the responsibility resting on the shoulders of the father. No wonder the family is given the surname of this personality.
2) To provide materially for the family. It is the responsibility of the father to provide for the family although of late mothers have begun to significantly contribute towards the family’s needs. This recent development is not unbiblical because in Proverbs 31v10-31 such a wife is mentioned in detail. Many hands make light work. Excessive drinking; clubbing and prostitution is in my eyes the greatest cause of failure of fathers to adequately provide for their times even in good economic times. Proverbs 21v17 says, ‘He who loves pleasure will be a poor man, he who loves wine and oil will not be rich.’
3) To be exemplary by living a principled life. First critical principle a father must have is I am supposed be a husband of one wife always. This is a great responsibility in this wicked world. God is the one who saw the need of Adam to have a wife and he created him one wife, not two or more Eves were created (although God could easily do that). It’s dishonour for a man to have illegitimate children. Honestly speaking the child is not the illegitimate person but the father is the illegitimate person. Teach your children life principles. Teach them to respect time. Help them never to be late at school. If you say we are getting out at 7 get out at 7. If you say you will collect him/her from school at 5 strive to do that. If you say I won’t miss church please don’t miss church. Your principles are most likely to be your child’s involuntary life principles. How you conduct yourself in anger teaches your child how to respond to irritations in your rage remember your children. Violent spouses are groomed in violent homes. If you smoke three cigarettes a day your child will have a smoke legacy and take it to six. Your way of life as a father acts as the skeleton of your children’s lifetime values.
4) To protect his family. A real man protects his family from anything which is a threat to its well being. The threats might be natural or human; spiritual or physical; financial or idealistic. A great father plays his part well of preventing HIV-AIDS pandemic to have access to his own home by being faithful to his one and only sexual partner, his wife. It pains me to see innocent wives being murdered with AIDS because of an unfaithful husband. May God forbid you to be that cruel! If you were unfaithful and you know you are infected already, confess it to your wife and ensure that both of you use Antiretroviral drugs to minimise the damage. Confess (to your wife and God) and forsake your sins before. God is very willing to cleanse anyone from all unrighteousness.
5) To be very knowledgeable about his family. A father must know the needs and wants of his family. Know in detail how your child is doing in his/her schoolwork. Help your child with his/her homework that will make you realise his/her deficiencies and most importantly keep you closely attached to your child. No one must ever be shocked with his/her child’s performance in final examinations unless there was a sudden slump of performance. Paying your child’s school fees is not the only educational responsibility a father has. A father should also give career guidance to the child because that’s the ultimate goal of educating his child.
6) Right-networking his family. You are not always at home but you have a responsibility to monitor and to know who your kids are playing with and what they spend their time doing? Help your wife, in gentleness (since she is an adult), to closely associate with women who add value to her only. If you are not pleased with her choices as hard as it is, it will be high time to change where your home is. One preacher once said, ‘you choose your child’s friends by choosing the place you stay.’ The Bible says, ‘Forsake the foolish and live….’(Proverbs9v6)
7) To discipline his children. The Bible says, ‘Discipline your son while there is still hope…’ (Proverbs 19v18) and goes on to say, ‘Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.’ (Proverbs 22v6). Fathers have a responsibility to teach their children to have values, principles and morals above that they have a punishing role as well. One piece of advice; before you punish your child in any way, first show your unquestionable compassion. Teach your family to be responsible. Teach them to enjoy but not to waste especially food. Teach them financial principles like a fool and his money are soon parted. Never use debt for daily consumption; cut your jacket according to your cloth. Teach your family to be good neighbours, good students and good citizens. Teach them that life is not all about themselves but they are responsible for others as well for example the sick, elderly, prisoners, orphans etc. It takes a father’s considerable attention to have a disciplined child.
8) To decide where to get counsel in good and bad times. Hear me African men seeking counsel is not a sign of weakness or inadequacy but it’s a display of great wisdom because, ‘Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.’ (Prov 11v14). With your wife agree where you are comfortable to get counsel; they might be relatives, friends, fellow Christians or pastors. Make this choice early when things are still rosy since you will not easily agree in bad times. Fire extinguishers are not to be procured when there is a fire outbreak since it will be too late.
9) To make family life fun. The father determines the general atmosphere of the home. If he is always grave faced the home will be tense and if he is always smiling no one feels comfortable not being happy. Yes you can be angry but not for more than a day. Story telling during weekends might be the most memorable part of your family’s reflection. Dare to do a one-on-one meeting to just tell your child, ‘I am proud to be a father to such a wonderful child like you. In you I have realised that children are a gift from God. I love you – (say his/her name).’When you mess up please apologise. A few days after spanking your child talk to him/her what she thinks about it and explain yourself etc. Write your spouse and your kids some small love assurance letters occasionally. Let not a year pass without taking your family out because it refreshes your family environment. Your kids will have something new to talk about. Even the question, ‘when are we going to go out again,’ makes life different.
10) To control the size of the family. A responsible father has a greater financial responsibility for each child born. A child’s future must not be made a game of chance. This demands forward thinking prior to having a child. Agree with your wife the number of children you can comfortably afford to have. Get me right; nothing is wrong in having 20 children if you can afford to fend for the children and also if it does not endanger your wife’s health. On the other hand something is wrong if a couple has four children and go about begging for school fees every school term. I will insist on this point till Africans reproduce according to their financial capacity.

My Quotable Quote: It’s a great honour to be called a father but it calls for great sacrifices. In heaven God is dad and on earth the husband is the dad.